Usually I am the type that holds those battles inside...I'm an "internalizer." Maybe that's why blogging is perfect for me....it allows me to put things out into the world and not hold my cards so darn close all the time.
Today I'm scared. I'm also a "the worst case is of course going to happen to me" type person. Frankly, the last words you want to hear out of a radiologist's mouth are "everything seems fine....but..."
It's the "but" that I will hold onto until this pesky little M&M-sized troublemaker is gone. Then there's another wait......the pathology. Are there worse words? Pathology....needle biopsy....it all adds up to a heap of "I'm scared."
But really....scared of what? An unknown, that with 98% certainty will come to pass as just a pesky little M&M that will be gone.
And in case anyone needed reminding of how wonderful my boys are......my little guy, just two years old, sat with me in the ultrasound room today in a little chair.....and when we were all alone he said the words I don't think I will ever forget. He looked at me with his sweet little face and said "It's okay Mama, I'm here." I didn't think I looked scared....maybe I did.
So in an effort to UN-internalize my fear....I'm sharing it....and saying it's okay to be scared.....but I refuse to wallow in it for a week.
I'm going to make more salsa.